I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
