just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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