New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I love you. Go after that dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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