dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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