yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
