so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
