this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
