How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
