so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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