Church boner. Awkwardddd
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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