You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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