Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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