Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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