he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
