my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
