Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
