i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
