Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
