I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
