a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Screwed.edu
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
