hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
