I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
