My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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