3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
