YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She needs sedatives and a leash
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
BRING THE BAGELS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
