First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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