She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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