Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you're hired as official boob wrangler
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
