Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
