My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
