If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
