she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
