Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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