White coat. Heels.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
