then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
