I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
