last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
