You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
