If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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