I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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