she smelled like a LAN party
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
