WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
