ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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