im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Michael Bay diarrhea
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
