Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
