i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
