i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
