did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
