I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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