the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
