I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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