He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
