i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I faked an abortion last night.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
