He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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