If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
